They really wouldn't like it

The aggrieved family are interviewed outside the courthouse, asked about the reaction to the acquittal of the man who set fire to their house.

They say ‘ We’d just like to say how angry we are…’

A senior Army officer is interviewed on the radio.  Some of his troops had got carried away with war, and had abused a prisoner. The regiment was ashamed.

He says ‘ I’d like to apologise, most sincerely…’

The CEO of the oil company is asked about spilling oil into the Gulf of Mexico. He says ‘ I’d like to say how sorry we are…’

None of them mean it.

They certainly don’t like saying these things. They don’t enjoy it, and there’s no pleasure in making their statements.

The aggrieved family can be forgiven. They almost certainly don’t have helpers experienced in the matters of media interviews and public statements.

The army officer does, though. And the CEO. They should know better. They should pick their words more carefully.

‘I have to say how sorry we are…’

‘I must apologise…’

Or even ‘We regret. We are sorry. We apologise.’

It’s not that listeners forensically examine such statements, looking for poorly-chosen words and phrases. We hear – and listen – very quickly these days. On the run, on the fly. We don’t remember the exact words. Rather, we absorb a sense of someone’s meaning. On the way, we unconsciously calculate their sincerity.

Everyday words and phrases slip by us un-noted. Speakers often introduce a statement with ‘I’d like to say – this or that.’  It’s commonplace.

But something happens with a change of words. Phrases such as ‘We regret’ or ‘We’re sorry’ or ‘We apologise’ are much less commonplace. They trigger that little extra recognition that turns a statement away from the glib, toward the genuine. All without the listener really knowing it’s happening.

Just a few better-chosen words can change a message from one that people hear – into one to which they listen.