The Last Bank of Scotland

Honourable Sir,

My name is Colonel Lord Jim Smithington-Smithington, GCSE, and I am the trusted deceased assistant to the Chief Executive of the Royal Bank of Scotland. I have a large amount of money which was greatly accumulated before, during and after the world banking collapse. The money was collected from taxpayers, and entrusted to my unfortunate predecessor Sir Frederick Goodwin, who has now tragically disappeared. Although when he vanished he took as much money as he could carry, he had to leave very large proportions behind him. This money, and lots more like it, is too much to be shared among my shareholders. My bank has already given a great deal of it to its employees and directors. I now need to place the remaining balance somewhere most safely secure where customers and businesses cannot get hold of it. I know you will think this is indubitably improper, but I can most rightfully assure you that my government says this is all perfectly legal and honest and most beneficial to all.

I now need your help in transferring the sum of £96,000,000,000,000,000.40 to a trusted individual, who will honourably guard the money until I can collect it after I have been fired for negligent conduct. I am writing to you because you are most honourable and decent proper person who can be trusted with such sums. In return you will be entitled to keep the 40p.

I am sure you will be thinking that this is a disgraceful and dishonest scam of the most untrustable kind, in which you provide us innocently with your banking information details, in order that we may then corruptly remove outrageous amounts of money from your bank account without your granting nicely permission or knowledge. It is not at all that kind of scam. At your Royal Highness the Bank of Scotland we already have your banking information, and have been taking the money from you on this basis for many years. That is where these large amounts are now coming from.

So I am sure you can see this is all very well indeed, and if you are interested please send me your useful details. The special sensitivity nature of this affair requires that you must be of more than 18 years old, unless you are a shareholder in or customer of the Last Bank of Scotland, which means we believe you must have been born yesterday but that is OK with us.

I am look forward to hearing from you,

Jim.